Highly sensitiv personality or emapth?

I thought I should write something about being a empath or an highly sensitive person. I’m not quite sure what the different is. I fit quite well in both categories. Actually I kind of believe that the accepted term of a highly sensitive personality in physiological circles is in some way the legit form of calling someone an empath. In my mind they are somewhat the same thing. I know many people don’t agree with me on this, but I still choose to see the two as one. I don’t like to put myself in either category.  There is some definitions on what a highly sensitive person is, this is wikipedia’s version:

 "A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high sensitivity (or innate sensitiveness as Carl Gustav Jung originally coined it). According to Elaine N. Aron and colleagues as well as other researchers, highly sensitive people, which would represent about a fifth of the population, process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. This is a specific trait with key consequences that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, inhibitedness, innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on. The existence of the trait of innate sensitivity was demonstrated using a test that was shown to have both internal and external validity."

But here are some telltale signs of being an highly sensitive person, with my description on how it works for me under. But remember, what is true for me, may not be true for someone else.  

 

1.       Can you hear things others cannot, especially high-pitched sounds?

 

- I can’t stand high pitch noises, bangs or loud music. Simply having the tv on to loud annoys me. Even worse is if people make repetitive noises, like tapping a pen, picking on something or tapping a foot up and down. I can stand it for a little while, but I cannot ignore it. It creeps up under my skin, building up more and more irritation to the point where I have to make them stop no matter how. It doesn’t even have to be people making the noises, light fixtures or something else that makes to others low key noises, can make me go crazy.  Strangely I love listening to loud music by myself, or in my car. Maybe because music I chose my self focuses my emotions in one direction, and I put it on loud to drown out others sounds. I sometimes even put on specific music, to give myself specific emotions – or to unleash emotions.  But really loud noises actually gives me physical pain, it hurts my ears to the point where I have to cover them. In concerts I always have to wear ear plugs. Funny enough I enjoy target practice at the gun range – but only with hearing protection gear on.   

2.       Do you notice smells that others miss?

 

- Nice smells I don’t seem to pick up better than others, but the not so nice smells. I’m sadly somewhat super tuned to them.  Some perfumes that are subtle don’t cause any problems for me, but really strong smells – they make me flinch.  So needless to say, I don’t visit perfume shops more than necessary.  Tax free shops at airports are my own personal hell sometimes. I don’t especially like strong smells of food either, it depends a little on if I have relation to that food or not.  And body odors, don’t even get me started.  

3.       Do you know what other people need before they ask?

- Oh yes, my intuition is my own special super power. Although I sometimes feel like the perfect waiter, always having on hand what people need being it material stuff or emotional something. I don’t actually think about it, I just know. It like it’s programmed so deep inside, that I don’t actually need to think about it so much. I actually like to challenge myself from time to time, and try and figure out what makes me know. Half the time I’m not able to figure it out. So it open for debate, if it’s just that I’m so freaking good at reading other peoples body language, change in tone and subtle hints in what they say, or that I know because I feel what they feel.  I do know that I overanalyze everything sometimes. I can pick a situation to bits and pieces days – even years after it happened, trying to understand what actually happened and why. I usually end up blaming myself in some way or another

But sometimes it has to be that I know because I feel what they feel. There is no other way for me to explain that I can get an overwhelming sense that someone needs something (like a friend, or cheering up), without even having talked to them in a while.

 

  

4.       Do you notice the flicker on older computer screens or older fluorescent fixtures?
- Flickering lights don’t get to be on for long when I’m around. It bugs me.

 

5.       Do you get “overwhelmed” by joy when you experience great beauty: A beautiful sunset, an incredible musical performance, the smile of your child?

 

-          Absolutely, especially if it catches me of guard. I can catch myself feeling an overwhelming feeling of bliss, and standing there with a goofy smile on my face, without anyone else seeming to notice. Music, tv and movies also does this to me. With my guard down, I have my feelings on the outside – it’s showing on my face like an open book.

 

 

6.       Do you feel threatened or uneasy in large crowds or big cities?

 

- I like going to the city sometimes, but I always feel thankful when I get home that I don’t live in the city.

Too much hassle, too much people, too much input to process. I don’t like going to the mall at busy days either. Shopping before Christmas can turn me into a not so nice stressed out mad woman – all the people and all the nagging.

 

7.       Do you have “emotional radar” that picks up on what others are feeling?

 

- Ever heard about the elephant in the room? I pick up on it every time there is an elephant there.  Doesn’t matter if it has been an argument, a secret or something else that has evoked some great emotions – I know.  And the feelings – it’s the same as the intuition.  But I absolutly hate figthing with people, the anger and bad feelings in the room make me sick. So I tend to do everything I can to make things right again.

 

8. Do you pick up physical symptoms from other people?

-  This doesn’t happen to me very often. But when it does, I’m baffled. Someone has told me I have unused healing powers, I don’t know about that but something fishy happens sometimes.

 

9.       Does reading or hearing about bad news have a dramatic impact on your mood?

-  I’m a news junkie. I have to know what’s going on in the world and it worries me greatly. When things get to overwhelming I have to stop reading about it. For example I can’t cope with wars, disasters and accidents that involve many people. I read the headlines and maybe look at the pictures, but I don’t read the text. It don’t know why I can’t after a while, but it’s like my body is telling me it’s enough. 

10. If you see a bad car accident does it affect you for the entire day?
- Check! Plus I try to decipher what happened, the mechanisms. Strangely I enjoy watching shows about accidents and emergencies, but only in order to understand what’s caused it. In some way it gives me peace to understand.  

 

11.   Have you been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and/or do you experience a noticeable drop in your energy and mood during the winter?

-          Every year.

 

12.    Have you ever had a transcendent or mystical experience?
Highly sensitive people are naturally more open to experiences of bliss, ecstasy and spiritual awakening.

 

- This is not something I usually broadcast, but I believe I can sense when there is spirits in the room or building – and if they are good or bad. Sometimes even if they are male or female. And I strongly believe there is something more between heaven and earth then we know. Such as mind over matter, and healing.

 

13.   Do you have a strong reaction when you drink caffeine or when you attempt to stop?

 

- No not actually, not that I know of. Not unless I drink way too much, but that happens to everyone.

 

14.   Do you have food sensitivities or allergies?

 

- It’s miracle I’m not allergic to myself. And I’m so picky on what I eat. Strong tastes are a no go. And I seem to taste things other people don’t.  Vinegar in ketchup par example.

15. Do you have allergies or asthma?
- Yes…..

 

16. Are you a “lightweight?”
- I can’t seem to hold my drink. But I’m an excellent faker.

 

17. Are you sensitive to over-the-counter, prescribed or illegal drugs?
- Yes.

 

18. If you have ever had surgery, did it take longer to recover from the effects of the anesthesia than from the surgery itself?
- Never tried.

 

19. Is being in a calm, peaceful environment very important for you?

- Absolutely, my house needs to be calm without bold colors. My favorite place in the house are the bathroom, sauna or in bed. Calm and stress free places. And I have to be close to nature so that I can seek grounding when I need to unwind.  And I’m a notorious stress cleaner and declutterer, organizing calms me down. It’s something I think both my colleagues and hubby appreciates. Even though he does find it a bit embarrassing when I start organizing shelf’s in shops while we wait in line.   

20. Do you get claustrophobic when you spend too much time indoors?
- Yes, I don’t like it. It makes me restless, irritated and sometimes even a bit mean. But being mean makes ride the guilt train afterwards.

 

21. Is it important for you to spend time alone?

- It’s mandatory. I need my alone time every day. It makes me uneasy if I don’t get it. Doesn’t really matter what I do, as long as I’m by myself and don’t have to talk to anyone. I need to sort my head out, and not at least all the input. Night time is the best part of the day – the world is quiet. Working out also gives me time to stress down and get my head on straight.

22. Do you experience dramatic mood swings, sometimes for no apparent reason?

- Happens all the time. It doesn’t scare me most of the time. Only time it freaked me out was when I tapped into a really high person (bi polar) and suddenly became as high and uneasy. Let’s just say that working in psychiatric wards wasn’t my thing.

23. Do you know when people are lying to you?
- I feel like a walking talking lie detector sometimes. I also sense when people are hiding something. I can’t always explain why I feel like they are lying or hiding something, I just know something is off. And I see the world in a kind of black or white (with some greyish zones), either I like you or I don’t. And if I feel like you are hiding something, you get on my shit list. I don’t like when people do me wrong either, or someone I love. If you do that, I won’t trust you for a long time.

I you wonder if you are a highly sensitiv person or an empath - here are some more to read.  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roya-r-rad-ma-psyd/highly-sensitive-people_b_1286508.html

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

http://www.empathtest.com/

I score high in both tested on HSP and empath - so maybe I'm both? I don't know......

Charter holidays

 I do love holidays, and totally agree that the easiest thing most of the times is to travel on a charter holiday. Everything is sorted out by somebody else, and your problems are always someone else's problem. Really useful when all you want to do on your holiday is relax and let everybody else fix just about everything. It's like traveling with your parents the way it was when you were little, except you have to pay for your self now. 

     

But a few hiccups may still come along. For me it's mostly the people, the place or the resort.  

The people. 

It all starts at the airport. If you ever had doubts about man being a herd animal, a visit there should eliminate all of that. There are two kinds, the one that stay together with their travel company, and move as a complete herd, never budging even an inch to let anyone true even though they are moving at the slowest possible pace possible to man. And there are the ones that stray of from each other all the time, only to discover a second later that they lost their buddy, and then start yelling and waving all over the place to get their attention and try to complete the pack again. If you get caught in the crossfire between this people,you can usually get to listen in on their whole life story and what they plan to buy or not - even if you try your best not to. 

And then you finally get to board the plain. And no matter how many times the flight attendant tells people to either board the plane in a set order, to keep the seatbelt on, stay seated, use the bathroom before meal service, not to take down luggage before the sign with the seat belts get turned of - there is always some idiots that have to do it. Usually the same idiots that never tell their kids to stop kicking the seat in front of them. I don't know what's wrong with them. But clearly they think that ordinary rules don't apply to them. 

The sun bed mafia. 

They are up early in the morning, strutting not so silently in load flip flops across the tiles around the pool, armed with a stack with towels. With a smirk the lay them out carefully on every sun bed  they might want or need during the day. And then they go for breakfast. So when the other kind of people, us, finally becomes human again, there is no luck trying to find a free bed around the pool. It usually ends with us walking around the pool round after round trying to find two that are free, or look like they are going to be free anytime soon. So when we finally do, it's usually good old fashion luck, or because some kid from the sun bed mafia forgot to but their towel on their bed when they went for lunch. 

So me and my man, we bunker down and spread our stuff so that it is obvious that its taken. But when lunch is done, that's when the fun begins. Cause then they come back - the mafia. Looking on us in disbelieve, not really believing that we could be so stupid to think that the beds were free - when all the parents stuff is laying right next to it (oh, what's that yours, well we just moved it, since it wasn't laying directly on the beds and no one came to claim it!). And we lay there watching their reaction behind sunglasses, watching to see their next move, pretending to be asleep if necessary. Half the time they choose to trash talk loudly about how the were saving exactly that bed for later, either in some Scandinavian language or English (ps. those languages don't work for talking secret on charter holiday, the odds for someone speaking either language is quite large). The other half they just opt for making it uncomfortable for us. Move number one; move your sun bed so close to us that it's nearly touching ours. Move two; talk so loud that it's disturbing no matter how high you listen to your music. Move three; make your kids come to you all the time to show you things, the result being dripping cold water all over our stuff and us. Move four; if none of the above has worked come even closer (preferably so close that the sun beds are actually touching). If that's not invading personal space I don't know what is.  Move five; block the access to the pool. 

If your immune to all of this and none of it makes you feel unwanted in their present, you have some kind of superpower I sure as hell don't have. I usually get annoyed by move 3. But I never budge. I refuse to let the sun bed mafia win. I think it's rather amazing that some people are so bad at sharing that they think that they can reserve a sun bed for a whole day even if they are not gonna us it all the time. What is that teaching their kids? That you don't have to share as long you might possibly plan to use it at some point during the day. That's gonna make some really cute kids. 

The British pool terrorists

I'm not saying all British are like this, don't get me wrong! The are plenty of nice British people. But some are not. We have encountered some on this holiday. They are the only grown up people that actually think it's ok to play water volleyball in a pool filled with people that are not. The end result being that good damn ball being thrown on everybody or at least splash on everybody. If your really lucky they also bring a big floating air mattress into the pool, and what  the hell - why not just bring a boat? Combined with continued jumping - probably trying to make the biggest water bomb ever know to man - is the reason I have named them the British pool terrorists. And btw people - everyone speaks English. 

And there is oh so many more things that annoy me, but this is the worst of them...... I leave it at that! 

Torn

Today I’m torn, torn between happiness and sadness. Happiness because I’m leaving for a long needed and romantic holiday with my love, sadness because it also marks the end of a chapter. The other part of the twisted sisters and my soul brother are leaving. And I don’t know when I get to see them again. My twisted sister will come back in a moth or two, I know that, but my soul brother. He has to work and stay home, and home is a different country. He has promised me that he will come back, if not for me, then at least for the other twisted sister. Little did he know that he got the two of us for the price of one.  It’s not like I think he’s going to stop talking to me, but it’s not going to be the same. Here he has been living in the street next to me, I have adjusted to seeing and not at least hear his car drive by a couple times a day. Knowing he’s just around the corner if I want to talk to him. Knowing that I most likely will see him at least a couple of times a week.  Either partying or just going into the Zen zone down by the water – not needing to talk that much, just being and hanging. That is not going to be possible when he has left.  I’m going to look for his car every day for weeks, half expecting to see him pull up the road, even though I know he’s not here.

This last three months it’s been like we all have lived sort of parallel lives.  They have been intertwined both in the ups and down. I’m not going to lie, it’s has been like a whirlwind of emotions and episodes. And it feels like the world his halting to stop today. Our chapter with intertwined lives and common drama stops here. It makes me sad. I would have wished they both could have stayed, here right next to me forever. I like having my people close to me.

But the world doesn’t work like that. He has to go, and she is going with him. So when we get home, they are both gone. It’s going to be a huge vacuum in my life, and at whole lot of empty space that used to be dedicated to those two. Don’t get me wrong. I still got my man right here next to me, but I also need my friends – and especially my girlfriends. Since my man doesn’t do drama, I desperately need someone who does, and can tell me what they really think when I’m at my wit’s ends. I know she’s just a phone call or text away, but still she’s not here just up the street.    

And when they do come back, sadly I don’t think it’s going to be the same. The surroundings have changed, the atmosphere the circumstances, everything – even the people. I do hope that we don’t change, that our friendships stay the same. If they don’t, I still will have so many fond memories to look back on and help me remember this special time.  A song, a flashback or a text, can all bring back the exact feelings I had at the time – just as strong as when they actually happened. I don’t know if that is specific for emphats, after all it’s all I know. If it is, it’s the best part of this blessing/curse.

It’s too bad that I’m so lousy at goodbyes; I never get to say what I really want to say. Somehow It’s always much easier to write it down. At least then you can say what you really want without getting the immediate response and reaction thrown back at you. I always fear that people will think I come on to strong, overwhelming them with emotions and feeling – resulting in them turning me down or labeling me as a tad crazy. It’s a protective mechanism maybe, this not being able to tell them how I sincerely feel upfront and in their faces. Either way, writing is a safe place and judge free environment. Just the way I like it.  

And even thou I do look forward to going on holiday with my man, and I know it’s going to be amazing. I wished it didn’t also mark the end of this amazing chapter in my life. But I always knew this couldn’t last forever. I just didn’t anticipate it would come to an end so fast, and that I would feel so underprepared.  

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Crossing a boarder

In relationships there is a number of unwritten but still very clear boarders. You usually know them very well, and many of them are a direct result of society's moral. Society states quite clearly what is acceptable relationship and monogamy behaviour. Par example, your not allowed to sneak around and have secrets for your partner, without people stating to question the health of your relationship. It's the same with public flirtation and shamelessly throwing yourself at another person. It's not looked well upon. The key  word here is shame. Public shame that is. If you do something that you know that you as a parter would be shameful to watch, you know your skating on thin  ice. Or if you feel like hiding your behaviour and not let your partner know what your doing. Then you know for sure you've done something wrong.

But what is considered wrong is different in different communities and among different people. And not at least it changes with age. What I considered a felony deserving life sentence a couple years ago, is not even worth my energy now. Playful flirtation is a good example of that. It doesn't bother me anymore if my hubby is flirting innocently with some girl at a party. As long as he doesn't lie about having me at home that is. Honesty is the most important thing in all this. Tell me about her, and what you were talking about, and were good. Lie about it, or me, and your a dead man walking. 

But it amazes me what some people are willing to accept. Kissing, switching partners, dates etc etc. Sometimes I wonder if its just because they are to scared to be alone. So they accept everything, desperately hoping that will keep their partner from leaving them. If that is true, it's just sad. I have never understood those that are able to love and live with a partner that have strange sexual preferences that they them self don't share. How do you compromise that much, that you are willing to do things you don't even like or maybe think is disgusting. Still people do it everyday.

For me that is crossing a major boarder. 

But at what point do you compromise so much that you loose yourself and cross the boarder to becoming just a handy accessory?  And how do you know if you have lost yourself? And are you ever able to see it before its over, and you get some distance? 

I don't know. If I did, I could probably write a guide and earn millions. I guess as you grow older you get better perspective on who you are a person and what you are willing to accept. If you don't know what your own boarders are, how can you expect someone else to know? I think everyone has a responsibility to figure out there one boarders and what makes them happy. After all, no one else but you are responsible for your happiness. If everyone did that, I don't think as many would loose them self in relationships. And finding them self stuck in ways and accepting thing they never normally would. I don't think there's is a easy answer to all this, not at all.

After all, I never said it was easy, but they say that in love and war, everything goes.

Foot in mouth disease

I have this not so amazing ability to always say the wrong things at the wrong time. It’s like a curse. I can hear myself say it and regret it at the same time, since it’s obviously offending. And still I can’t help myself. Thankfully it don’t happens as often when sober, but when drunk – I’m walking talking train wreck of insults. At least sometimes. It’s like someone has entered my brain and willfully uninstalled the filters that usually stops me from saying exactly what I think. And I can tell you, it ain’t pretty. I am a pretty ironic person, I see everything with a touch of darkness and constantly comments on everything inside my head. So the problems start when the comments don’t stay inside my head. Suddenly I hear myself whispering not so under my breath about how stupid someone is, or how idiotic that last comment was – and always with a smirk.  What is it about that smirk! It’s like there is an evil, usually more hidden person inside me that just takes every change she gets to come out when my guard is down. And my guard goes all the way down when I drink. And if you add a shitty mood to the cocktail – it’s a recipe for disaster. And I tend to make it worse, trying to explain what I meant and defuse the situation. And eventually just digging my own hole that much deeper. It’s probably why I don’t have so many girlfriends as well. Girls in general don’t like to be told the truth about what you really think about them.

Some may call it my defense mechanism, and maybe it is. But either way I’m known to hay a quirky sense of humor, and irony makes up a great deal of that.  And in all honestly it’s not so handy. The worst is when people is not smart enough to understand that it actually is a form for humor. Then I have to explain both what I mean, and why I offended them. I feel about 20cm tall then.

But the only people I never want to hurt is the people that mean something to me, my closest friends and family. Everyone else is more than welcome to be hopping mad at me or go bat shit crazy. But with my closest, it physically hurts to know they are mad at me. And I keep kicking myself over and over again trying to figure out what good I can do to make amends. I keep nagging and nagging them over and over to insure that everything is ok between us. In all honestly, that probably makes them more angry with me, then the actual insult. There is only one thing I don’t do, and that is apologizing if I feel like I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m too thick headed and stubborn to ever admit to defeat if it isn’t so. Not classy, I know. But it’s the strongest part of my personality, my competitiveness. I’m the worst loser out there, and it’s so bad that I won’t compete in anything serious if I don’t have a chance to win. So the silent treatment does not work well with me if your just a friend. I will never back down!

But what to do about the foot in mouth disease? I don’t know, all I do know is that It has caused me a but load of trouble through the years – and by the looks of it, it’s not going to change anytime soon. Solitude is one solution or duck taping my mouth shut. Other than that, I still have to rely on my friends that know me , to tell  me when it’s time to shut up. Luckily they tend to do just that.